Her son, Brendan, was kind, fun and social but he also battled with a “pain in his head” and at 26, the day after his brother’s wedding, he took his own life.
Mary said when Brendan was diagnosed with depression his doctor called on mental health services to help but they didn’t.
“Where do I start?” she said.
“He would tell them (mental health services) he had suicidal thoughts, but they would still send him home.”
Brendan’s doctor and Mary would call the services demanding “instant care” but it didn’t work.
“It was always the next day or the day after that but he needed it right then,” she said.
“Because he was a social person, going to the doctor was like an outing for him and he would dress up so, they looked at his appearance and they would say he ‘presented well’.”
Even after Mary helped paramedics revive her son after he tried to kill himself, he still wasn’t given the help he so desperately needed.
“They took him to intensive care and then mental health came and they asked him if he was okay and he said he was fine and they let him go home,” she said.
“They sent him straight home – no follow-ups or anything.
“Our doctor was furious.”
And so was Mary – she felt helpless and frustrated.
After that Mary said Brendan stopped socialising and wanted to stay in bed all day.
“He was terribly depressed,” she said.
Then two months later Brendan ended his life.
“They (mental health services) just would not listen to us,” she said.
“It was like it was none of our business.
“It was really bizarre
“We knew him better than anybody - they just saw him for a short period of time.”
Searching for answers, Mary took her son’s death to the Coroners Court, where the judge said families needed to be listened to more.
But it did little to help with the guilt she lives with today.
She wonders if she could have more to help her son – and is increasingly frustrated when she hears similar stories years later.
“What keeps it alive for me is a lot of people ring me because they know that I’ve been through it too,” she said.
“It’s the same old story.
“I couldn’t tell you how many people have called me.
“When your loved one is harming themselves it’s like they’ve hit a brick wall - there’s no more options in their head and when no-one is offering them any options, it’s just a horrible, horrible situation.”
Mary said her experience happened in 2003 – but it was getting worse.
“I’m not blaming one particular person, it’s not just happening in Shepparton – I’m blaming the whole system,” she said.
“It’s so broken it’s disgusting.
“There’s not enough staff, money, support and accommodation.
“What more could it have taken for help?
“I just can’t forgive them.”
For crisis support or if you know someone who is struggling, contact:
Lifeline: 13 11 14 or lifeline.org.auBeyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 or beyondblue.org.auKids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 or kidshelpline.com.auHeadspace: 1800 650 890 or headspace.org.auAre you anxious? Take the Beyond Blue quiz to see how you’re tracking and whether you could benefit from support
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