The world's far horizons and wild blue yonder are now much closer to home

That’s a question many people have had to find an answer to recently, as school holidays and Easter were spent at home. Especially Easter — surely the most ‘holidayed’ of all weekends on the Australian calendar.

My family has a history of camping beside the Murray River at Easter, something I reluctantly joined in. I may not be a happy camper, but many people are — and staying home for Easter was tough for them.

I was impressed by the resourcefulness of families who still went ‘camping’ — even if it was in their living room or backyard — and everyone else who did their best to have a ‘holiday’ at home.

Since the coronavirus shutdown started, I’ve been flat-out working from home. So the full force of the ‘what do you do on your holidays when you can’t do anything on your holidays?’ question has only just hit me.

To be precise, it hit me at 6.45 pm on Monday.

That’s when my ship was supposed to sail out of Sydney Harbour at the beginning of my 30-day holiday-of-a-lifetime cruise across the Pacific.

Of course, I’ve known for weeks I wasn’t going to be doing that, after COVID-19 shut down cruising worldwide. And I’m incredibly grateful I’ve avoided the horror of ‘plague’ ships like the Ruby Princess in Sydney and the Greg Mortimer in South America.

But knowing something in your head and feeling it in your heart are two completely different things.

So, although I’ve been putting on a brave face about my ruined holiday, I did permit myself a few moments to wallow in self-pity and a glass of wine on Monday evening when I should have been sailing away.

And like so many other people who have had their overseas adventures or Queensland escapes or camping trips cancelled, I now find myself on holidays at home.

All dressed up and nowhere to go, as it were.

I know I SHOULD use this enforced time at home to do some serious housework — from the windows I’ve been avoiding washing to the pile of stuff in the living room that needs sorting, I have plenty of tasks waiting for me.

I just don’t want to do any of it.

What I want to do is take my morning walk around the deck while I gaze out at the ocean, and then do an exercise class by the pool. I want to find a favourite, quiet, comfy corner of the ship with my cup of coffee and read lots and lots and lots of books. I want to catch up on all those TV shows I’ve loaded on to my laptop that I’ve been too busy to watch at home.

I want to play trivia and learn to make sushi. I want to spend my evenings listening to live music and watching theatre shows and dancing my feet off at 70s disco night.

I want to see dolphins in New Zealand, go snorkelling in Tahiti and visit volcanos in Hawaii.

Most of all, I want someone else to cook all my meals and clean my bathroom and make my bed and leave me weird towel sculptures while I’m at dinner each night.

So forget the housework — I’m having a cruise holiday at home.

What does that look like?

Well, the scenery isn’t as spectacular, but I can still exercise with a walk (the dog at least will be thrilled).

The reading books and watching TV shows is easy. Not much harder are the trivia/sushi lessons/music/theatre — I’ll just be streaming them alone, not sharing them with other people.

And I can save myself some embarrassment because I will dance like no-one’s watching. Literally.

Shore excursions are going to be a bit tougher to replicate. But I’m working on it.

Tomorrow (Thursday) I should be in Picton, New Zealand, on a boat trip across Queen Charlotte Sound, watching dolphins and visiting a wildlife sanctuary. I reckon I can find plenty of spectacular NZ scenery and wildlife online instead.

Friday’s shore excursion was an eight-hour, nerd-heaven, Lord of the Rings adventure, visiting the Weta Workshop studio in Wellington and a few sites where the movies were filmed. That’s easy — I have the trilogy on DVD and can feel a marathon coming on.

I’m still figuring out what I can do in lieu of snorkelling with sharks and stingrays in Bora Bora, or visiting the USS Arizona memorial in Honolulu, or climbing an extinct volcano on Maui.

Sadly, there’s not much I can do about having someone else do all my cooking. Although home deliveries are looking mighty appealing right now.

And I guess I’ll just have to keep making my own bed.

I AM ZOOMING...

With my family every Saturday evening. I didn’t know Zoom was a thing until what feels like just yesterday, and now I am linking up for pre-dinner drinks with family in Sydney, Melbourne and Bunbartha on a weekly basis.

Don’t be fooled by how easily ‘Zoom meeting’ rolls off my tongue — I really don’t know what I’m doing.

But I have my own personal IT helpdesk living with me (aka my son) so I’m coping. It’s a special Zoom this week — my mum’s 81st birthday.

Normally that means a noisy family dinner. With Zoom we’re still all talking over the top of each other — just at a distance.

I AM WATCHING...

Comfort television. Cosy favourites that don’t ask anything of me mentally and give back plenty of warmth and happiness.

Top of the list are the new seasons of MasterChef and Lego Masters, as well as another one-off Spicks and Specks special and the ongoing US Survivor.

I’m not missing the old judges who were dumped off MasterChef last year, and I’m loving the returning contestants who — like on Survivor — are back for another tilt at the trophy.

So good to see Poh, Reynold, Callum, Tessa and Hayden back in the kitchen. And Lego Masters is simply the best of feel-good TV.

I AM DELIGHTED...

So many people — especially family groups — are out and about exercising in this beautiful autumn weather.

The best side-effect of everyone being home, and gyms and schools closed, is how more people are out walking and riding bikes.

It seems anyone who can pull on a pair of runners, put a leash on a dog or don a bike helmet is taking advantage of exercise being one of the very few things we’re allowed to do right now.

Walking paths that are normally deserted when I walk my little dog almost need traffic lights. I hope it keeps going when our coronavirus shutdown finally lifts.

I AM ASKING...

Where have all the flowers gone? COVID-19 has killed spring, and we’re not even in winter yet.

That’s because Floriade gardeners were ready to plant thousands of bulbs for the annual flower display in Canberra when the virus cancelled the show.

The good news is, the bulbs will instead be planted in public spaces across Canberra to bloom in time for spring.

But bad news from the Netherlands, where millions of tulips have been destroyed as the world’s flower shops shut.

Fear not, you can still virtually tiptoe through the tulips online at Dutch flower park Keukenhof.