The lights never really go out.
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Sometimes they just flicker, other times they dim, for quite some time.
But as much as you want the world to stop at some of those moments, remain frozen so the moment can never be lost, it doesn’t.
Former Nathalia woman Erica Lillian Arklay, who was born at Swan Hill on June 5, 1940, and died in Melbourne on June 9, 2020, would have understood that.
This woman who should have been ordinary, hailing from less than extraordinary formative years, would defy all the odds to become something extraordinary.
Not just for her family but her community.
And yet she would achieve all that – and more – in the most ordinary of ways that would have such a remarkable impact on everyone who came into contact with her.
Erica was old school, through and through, but with a remarkable touch of je ne sais quoi.
While it wasn’t a rags to riches story, she would live an incredibly rich life, stamping her mark as a genuine queen of style and grace (her love of shoes and handbags prompted her husband name to call her his Imelda Marcos).
But a queen more than happy to roll up her sleeves and get on with whatever needed to be done next.
No-one was ever surprised to find Erica still up at 5 am, bent over anything from a wedding dress needing an urgent last-minute fix to a Book Week costume for one of grandchildren.
Everyone basked in the sheer glow of this remarkable woman – her husband, her four children, 15 grandchildren (and nine great-grandchildren).
Erica didn’t just light up the room, she lit up everyone in her orbit, never leaving the house unless she was made up to perfection, from co-ordinated bag and shoes to that splash of lipstick completing the picture.
Erica was electric; nothing seemed to slow her, nothing ever fazed her, nobody was turned down or turned away.
But through it all, Erica the extraordinary remained Erica. Just Erica.
And Nan, as she was known to everyone in the family, regardless of generation.
She was one of those rare humans who made you feel like an old friend as soon as you were introduced; genuinely interested in what you’re saying, never forgetting what you told her and waiting until you have finished everything you wanted to say.
Like many parents, Erica taught her kids netball and attended every school function.
So supportive and so encouraging of all her children (and still always behind the scenes sewing and making costumes for school events).
She gave up her career as a seamstress at the Hickory factory and took up full-time motherhood (and for 40 years the full-time secretary in the family company Buckley Cranes – during which time she never missed cooking a hot lunch for the boys).
The old-world approach to life, Nan’s approach to life.
And just as ready to learn from everyone, including her children.
It started with daughter Heather’s enrolment as an 11-year-old with ballroom dance teacher Ann Hand and later Meryl Martin. The teachers would become Erica’s close friends,
Heather would become an award-winning dancer and her mother would be pivotal in that.
It inspired a lifelong love affair in ballroom dancing, which she passed on to all her grandchildren.
Erica was a woman who saw the world the way it should be; never forgetting a birthday card, always there for a raffle, a charity event, any event, she was always there.
And always the life of the party.
Not surprisingly, Erica met Reuben ‘Tiddles’ Buckley at a dance in Echuca when she was 16.
Eventually they started courting – and going to dances – and married in Echuca in 1961.
Heather was born the following year, Kaylene in 1964, Colin in 1966 and Terry in 1977.
For her children, her grandchildren and countless hundreds of other children; Erica’s legacy would be their introduction to – and for some their love - of dance.
Once the children were off to school, Erica got right back into the groove, running, at various times, a haberdashery shop and milk bar; as well as doing part-time cleaning at Moama Public School; which her children attended (in parallel with a lot of voluntary work there, raising money for the school).
Reuben would often say “why don’t you take your bed over there”.
It seemed a good idea; she was also at the helm of the school canteen as well.
Age didn’t stop Erica, who in her mid-60s, along with Meryl Martin, started teaching debutante dances across the twin towns as well as Kyabram and Rochester.
If that wasn’t enough to keep her busy, Erica became involved in Sing Australia in 2004 before it evolved into the Murray Singers in 2012.
During the past four years she also joined the senior citizens and 12 months ago signed on with the Fun Club.
Erica never lost her interest in meeting new people and learning new things – even a Jehovah Witness knocking on the door got a warm reception and a few questions.
And of course, like any Nan worth her salt, she seemed to have a secret (and bottomless) supply of lollies, ice creams and cakes on hand. Just ask her grandchildren.
Even if there was just one other person in the room, Erica made sure they were put first.
The very fabric of her family and seemingly endless network of friends, including her oldest and dearest Helen Hughen, Erica faced her fight with a brain tumour the same way she did everything else, telling her specialist: “I’ve got a weed in my garden of love (brain). When you open it, a few blue wrens might fly out”.
This much-loved matriarch gave her all until her time ran out. And when her time came, just days after her 80th birthday, the lights did go dim.
They still are.