Sleeping dogs lie, better than your husband. Pictured are Samantha's dogs Harvey, Boz and Hugo.
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Each week, Samantha Lewis shares her insights on various topics, from exploring new health trends to reimagining personal growth.
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I am not suggesting you kick your husband out of bed permanently.
I am not suggesting you rehome your partner and replace them with a dog. What you do with the following information is entirely your prerogative, and I am not authorised to give such advice on these matters. However...
Researchers at Canisius University surveyed 962 women about who was actually sharing their bed. Dogs, cats, human partners, sometimes an ambitious combination of all three.
The results were not close.
Women sleeping with a dog reported better sleep quality and fewer disturbances through the night than women sleeping next to a human.
Dogs were rated as more comforting and less disruptive than partners.
Cats, for what it is worth, offered neither benefit.
They disturbed sleep just as much as humans without any of the comfort in return, which honestly tracks.
Dog owners also went to bed earlier and woke up earlier, with steadier routines overall.
Turns out consistency beats romance when you are trying to get eight hours.
A border collie who needs walking at 6pm sharp will build you a better bedtime routine than any amount of whispered reassurance ever could.
Here is the part I actually find fascinating.
This is not just a vibe.
When you pet a dog, your brain releases oxytocin, the same hormone responsible for bonding between parents and babies.
Your dog's brain releases it too. Studies have tracked this in both directions, humans and dogs producing oxytocin together during a cuddle, which is a genuinely wild thing to picture happening in real time on your couch.
Alongside the oxytocin comes a small hit of dopamine and serotonin, and a drop in cortisol, your stress hormone.
So while you think you are simply enjoying a good scratch behind the ears, your nervous system is quietly downshifting out of fight-or-flight and into something closer to calm.
This is also why dogs turn up in hospitals, nursing homes and university exam weeks disguised as therapy animals. It is not a gimmick.
Time spent with a dog has been linked to lower blood pressure and steadier heart rate variability, both signs your body has shifted into a genuinely restful state rather than just looking relaxed on the surface.
Fifteen minutes with a dog can do more for your nervous system than 15 minutes of doom-scrolling ever will.
None of this happens when you are checking your phone in bed, lying awake listening to snoring, or tossing and turning while someone hogs the doona.
A dog offers steady affection with nothing else attached. No follow-up conversation, no agenda, no score keeping.
I think that is the real finding buried under the headline about women sleeping better with dogs than men.
It was never really about men, or dogs, specifically. It is about what our nervous systems are actually craving at the end of a long day.
Not grand gestures.
Not problem-solving.
Just something warm, calm and quiet enough to switch off.
So no, I am not telling you to rehome your husband.
I am simply telling you what the data says, and letting you decide what to do with a border collie's superior bedtime routine.
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