Emotional rollercoaster all part of the parenting deal

By Tyler Maher

Aug 3, 2021

I like to think I'm an emotional guy.

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I get glassy-eyed during the "What is a blinder?" ad, I shed plenty of tears at the end of Ladder 49 and I am still irrationally angry at the early elimination of Denali from season 13 of RuPaul's Drag Race.

But seeing first-hand the amount of "big feelings" my three year-old daughter Eden experiences on a half-hourly basis is serving to dwarf any inclination I had of having a large emotional range myself.

She reaches peaks and valleys that even Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell were too scared to sing about, all at whiplash speed.

I can see it ticking over in her head though - especially approaching bed time - which is why sometimes you've just got to pull the ripcord on the parachute and hope the distraction will work for long enough to get you through.

We found ourselves in one of those situations recently.

With lockdown in full swing, a napless Eden had made it until about 90 minutes before a bedtime which would see her down for the night - anything earlier and she would be up and at them again by midnight.

But with dinner - a great distraction for all occasions - about an hour away still, I was faced with a conundrum.

Pull out my ace in the hole - knowing full well where it would lead me - or attempt to bridge the gap with varying acts of physical comedy and roughhousing.

As none of my jokes or suggestions of foot races were landing though - and with her eyelids drooping more by the minute - it was now or never for my secret weapon.

Children's nail polish.

To digress, when I buy something labelled ‘Children's nail polish’ I certainly don't expect it to be the real deal.

But as the first brush stroke went on my fingernail - and let's be honest, half of my finger - I knew I was in for a wild ride.

A manicure, full face of make-up (which was just a tube of moisturiser), a trip to the hair salon, a floral pink dress and 45 minutes later and I was chuffed with the distraction I had created.

After five more minutes of being ridden around the house with a unicorn headband on though, I was over it.

The mini-tantrum lasted long enough to get her to the dinner table, and from there bed was just a moment away - all in all a job well done.

Now I just have to find the nail polish remover.

Or touch up the edges.

I haven't quite decided yet.

Tyler Maher is McPherson Media Group sports editor.