Each week, Samantha Lewis shares her insights on various topics, from exploring new health trends to reimagining personal growth.
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Apologies Nan, who noticed there was no column last week.
I missed my deadline.
It was a hectic week, but the other reason, the honest version, is that I was really flat, and the idea of publishing something positive and encouraging when I was not feeling encouraged felt deceitful.
An over sharer I certainly may be, but insincere, I am never.
Turns out last week also happened to be R U OK? Day.
I only clocked it afterwards, and every time that day rolls around I get a little annoyed.
Not at the initiative. What it was created for is fantastic.
What annoys me, is seeing it used as an annual marketing exercise, rather than actually practised.
This week I reached out to a fellow mum friend.
Poor darling has three young boys, so it is a given she sometimes is not okay.
We ended up having a proper chat, the kind where you actually sit and listen rather than accept the first “I'm fine”.
Following a couple of jokes about how a couple of drinks these days (us late 30-year-olds talking like we’re 90) causes joint inflammation and blurry brain, she mentioned her mum had recently made them cocktails when she visited.
What she actually needed, she professed, was for her mum to take the boys, even just two of them, for a couple of hours.
A drink is a lovely gesture, but a break would have been better.
From girlfriends in perimenopause to my guy mates experiencing various struggles, nearly everyone I have spoken to these past couple of weeks is running on empty.
Kids are exhausted, everyone’s been sick.
The world continues to war, and especially here in the Depression State, financially, things are not all fun and games.
Even high-earning friends are spending their tax returns on bills rather than holidays.
It is not quite where any of us pictured we would be, but sometimes finding out you are not the only one carrying the stuff is genuinely relieving.
I did manage to remind my boy-mum friend of the importance of keeping layers light.
I told her to book additional daycare for her eldest boy to spare the breakfast scrum.
I always suggest a magnesium salt bath and putting yourself to bed early.
Run your dishwasher half empty.
Get takeaway, pull something out of the freezer, or throw together a picnic-style dinner instead of cooking properly.
Anything that buys some breathing room.
Older generations were not raised to ask how someone actually is, or to expect an honest answer if they did.
They are often more comfortable helping in practical ways than sitting with someone’s feelings, and that is completely fine.
If you are unable to actively ask someone if they are okay with the willingness to really listen, that’s okay.
You can still help. Bring the dish. Take the kids for an afternoon.
Mow the lawn or fold the laundry. It counts just as much.
The smallest, most unglamorous jobs are often worth more than anything you could say.
Important to remember: Often the bravest smiling faces are masking the heaviest of hearts.
So ask properly, more than once a year, whenever you notice.
If you cannot ask, just show up with a casserole.
Either one counts, and either gesture, at least, shows you care.
That is all any of us really want, right?
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