They are words no mother wishes to ever have to say about their child.
Sadly for Sharon O’Dwyer, they are a reality she has had to live with every day for more than four years.
Her son Mathew O’Dwyer was just 26 years old when he died in a crash at Bunbartha.
The Tallygaroopna resident had been on his way home from a day of playing cricket at Waaia when he lost control of his ute and it slammed into gum trees on Bowey Rd at 10.30pm.
It was February 20, 2021 — a day that Ms O’Dwyer remembers well, and a date that is etched in Mathew’s family’s memories for ever.
Ms O’Dwyer was away with her husband, visiting their other son to celebrate his birthday.
“At 2.30am there was a knock on the door. The police had come to tell us he’d been killed,” she said.
“My stomach dropped.
“I thought the worst that could happen was they had come to tell us my husband’s car had been broken into.
“I never thought they’d be telling me Mat had been killed.”
Ms O’Dwyer said they then had the task of tracking down Mathew’s partner, who had also gone away for the weekend, to tell her the bad news.
Despite her own grief, Ms O’Dwyer is able to acknowledge the hard job the police officers had in having to give that news about her son.
“It must be the worst thing they have to do,” she said.
Ms O’Dwyer said Mathew was never far from his family’s thoughts.
“On Mother’s Day (a few days ago), my daughter still wrote his name on the card,” she said.
“It’s devastating to lose one of your children.
“Parents aren’t supposed to lose their children.
“You have hopes and dreams for your children, and his will never come to fruition.”
For Ms O’Dwyer, the grief over the loss of her son remains.
“Grief changes over time, but it will always be there.”
While she said she did not cry all the time any more, she said there were still moments that set her off — like the mother and groom dance at a friend’s wedding recently.
“It’s something I’ll never get to do,” she said.
“The Queen used to say grief is the manifestation of great love. It’s true.
“I just wish he was here to hug and kiss him.”
Her loss of her son in a car crash is something Ms O’Dwyer does not want any other parent to have to go through.
And it is for this reason she will be the guest speaker at the Walk for Road Safety event in Shepparton on Sunday, May 18.
“It keeps my son alive by teaching others about road safety and trauma by his experience,” she said.
“It has a ripple effect. People don’t understand the reach it (a death) has in a community.”
Ms O’Dwyer paid tribute to Amber Community for helping her after the loss of Mathew.
A not-for-profit group, Amber Community provides free information and counselling to people affected by road trauma and addresses attitudes and behaviours of road users through education.
“The support family members got from them with counselling — they’ve been amazing,” Ms O’Dwyer said.
“That’s why I want to give back.”
Amber Community can be contacted on 1300 367 797 or online at ambercommunity.org.au
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