Those were the words of the mother of murdered 19-year-old Charlie Gander at the plea hearing of three people in the Melbourne Supreme Court on Tuesday, December 9.
Mr Gander’s body was found in a burnt out car at Bunbartha on December 24, 2022.
Dimitri D’Elio, 27, of Mooroopna, was found guilty by a jury in July of murder, kidnapping and arson over Mr Gander’s death.
Kylie Stott, 40, of Shepparton, was found guilty of manslaughter and kidnapping, while Danny Clarke, 41, of Shepparton, was found guilty of kidnapping.
On Tuesday, Mr Gander’s mother, father and little sister all read their own victim impact statements in court, while a member of the prosecution team read ones from his two brothers, grandmother and grandfather.
Mr Gander’s father, Richard Gander, spoke of the devastation of losing his “smart and funny” son.
“I don’t think there’s any words that will ever explain what it feels like for a father to lose a son,” he said.
Mr Gander lived with his father in Benalla at the time of his death.
Richard Gander told of the ‘‘gut-wrenching panic’’ that went through his body as he tried to get in contact with his son on Christmas Eve after he heard something might have happened to him, followed by the confirmation of his death.
“Having to make phone calls to my family on Christmas Day was one of the hardest things I have had to do,” he said.
“I only had one job, and that was to protect him. I couldn’t do that and it will now haunt me for the rest of my life.”
Richard Gander also spoke of hearing in court about what exactly happened to his son.
“Learning what he went through, the torture, has caused anger - that he suffered ‘til his last breath.
“I will never forget, or forgive, what was done to him.”
Mr Gander’s mother Alison Gander spoke of her son’s “sudden and horrendous death”, with his murder the “news that no mother should have to hear”.
She spoke of sleepless nights, picturing her son being scared for his life.
“To know he died in such a brutal way has destroyed me,” she said.
Ms Gander described her son as a “beautiful soul, outgoing, kind and full of life”, who was a “deeply caring and loving son”.
She told how her eldest son broke the news to her of his brother’s death on Christmas Day, with Christmas no longer being a day the family could celebrate.
“December 25 is now a day of mourning for me and my entire family – a traumatic day,” she said.
“Christmas is no longer a joyful time of year, and instead filled with such sadness, pain and devastation.
“Our whole world ended that that day.
“I hate Christmas songs and I hate people wishing me a merry Christmas.”
Ms Gander said her son was “missed every single day by every person who loved him”.
“His absence has left a gaping hole in our family that nothing will ever fill,” she said.
“We have been sentenced to a lifetime of suffering.
“Charlie would have been 22 years old now, but he will be forever 19.”
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