You may be inclined to dismiss this, since it comes from a dog. But hang on a minute: I’m hearing grizzling about the cost of living from the younger people, while the Boss and the Missus reminisce about the lost art of living cheaply.
There was a time, The Boss says, when he’d stitch up holes in his jeans instead of paying extra for ones already worn and ripped. He’s back in the Olden Days of course, but he insists it wasn't that long ago, when taking the kids out to Macca’s once a month was a special event.
And when, for a change, the next month he might pick up a pile of battered flake and chips. The roast leg of lamb on Sunday was a family holiday. Food delivery was when the neighbour’s cat walked too close to the fence.
Parents cooked at home to feed the little blighters most of the time. There was one Chinese café upstairs in Maude St, the Taiwan, and people took their own saucepans to bring it home.
“Nobody bought a takeaway coffee. Our coffee was instant International Roast; Bushells tea was better,” he claimed.
A big weekend event was a bring-a-plate dinner party at somebody’s house, where everyone took cheap casks of wine. It was in the times before .05, he admits, and the kids were left asleep in the back seat, sometimes coming home close to dawn.
He remembers working in Alice Springs 50 years ago and seeing people go to a café for breakfast. Why would you do that, he thought? What’s wrong with corn flakes and a piece of toast?
Now he sees the young folk being seduced by smashed avocado crumpets and imported matcha. Or oat milk lattes.
These modern breakfast highlights must be photographed before eating, chronicling every artisanal doughnut on Instagram; or by livestreaming oneself consuming organic miso ramen in a pop-up café.
Not all blame can be placed at the paws of youth. The cost of housing, education and healthcare has risen like everything else — but a smart hound adapts. He trims his habits. Who really needs a streaming service when you can step outside and chase a hare, or watch the sun rise, or ponder the evening’s starlit canopy?
Who needs a gym membership when you can chase your tail for 20 minutes? It’s good cardio and entertaining for everybody.
If you’re a Gen Z, you might think that finding joy in the simple things — like chewing up a cardboard box or rolling around in a cowpat — is beneath your dignity, but do you really need to complicate it with another monthly subscription?
Anyway, I was on a roll on this subject, until The Boss reminded me that my medical bills now exceed those of the entire family combined and that I’ve joined the ranks of those designer dogs.
“When we could only do Macca’s once a month, you likely would have met with a bullet in the head, General.”
He didn’t have to say that. I might just order my next feed of chicken legs on Uber Eats. Woof!
