It stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response and, if you’ve never heard of it, you’re out of the loop. You probably still smile at shop assistants and say thank you, which just confirms it.
ASMR has no particular scientific origin and simply refers to that pleasant tingling sensation that can occur up and down your spine, or around the neck and scalp, when watching a calming video. (It might also happen as the sun peeps up through the fog, as it does on my morning walk, but more of that later.)
ASMR has taken over a corner of the internet — mainly on TikTok and YouTube — where thousands of budding influencers make videos of themselves, doing everything from whispering while doing their make-up routine, to caressing or softly tapping random objects or gently brushing the microphone.
Any calming activity is good enough, apparently — some people specialise in humming or crunching sounds while others do everyday tasks like quietly stirring coffee, spraying bottles or having a manicure.
The creators who help people consistently feel the tingles in the scalp attract thousands of subscribers — TikTok’s #ASMR hashtag has billions of views — and the creators get rich by carrying advertising to all those billions, which is where I come in.
What could be more calming than the dulcet tones of an old dog snoring? Or watching my paws trembling and twitching amidst a dream? They could watch me on the terrace, stretching out to sleep in the sun, or see me intently listening to the wing beats of the ibis in the evening as they descend to roost along the river. And they will pay me for it.
They can watch me inhaling a bowl of wing nibbles, or hear my claws clicking across the kitchen tiles in search of a lost crust, or watch me on my back, wriggling on the grass in the warm sun. And how exciting for them to see New Boy and me relentlessly herding the missus towards our food bowls at a minute past five.
The YouTube trends are all in my favour too. The ‘Day in my life’ videos — almost as popular as the ASMR clips — document every imaginable mundane moment in life, from people brushing their teeth to organising sock drawers, or cleaning someone else’s ears.
How boring is that? I tell you, the General’s ‘Day in my Life’ video will be comedy gold. They can watch my elegant response to critical cues of the day — alertness as the toaster pops up, tail wagging to the sound of plates being scraped, whining to the sound of car keys rattling, and four-legged levitation when coats are taken off pegs for a walk.
I can’t compete with the teeth shaving trend where creators use nail files to shave their teeth; or the fox eyebrow challenge, where they shave off half their eye-brows and use make-up to draw them back on, while giving it a foxy effect; or the cereal challenge, where one person pours cereal — followed by milk — into another person’s mouth, then proceeds to eat it with a spoon before the first person starts laughing.
It's all there for you to enjoy — if you love living life through a screen. Woof!
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