No vacuum cleaners, thanks

I say this in knowing I am not alone.

As every child or partner that has ever gifted a lavender-scented heat-pack (or on one very brave occasion, a garden gnome) for Mother’s Day, they have experienced this moment of horror.

You’ve done bad. Very bad.

So you may ask, how does one impress for Mother’s Day? We haven’t got all the answers, but we do have a list of things to avoid.

It should not have to be spelt out that unless explicitly asked for, household appliances that help with chores (for example, the beloved Dyson vacuum) are blacklisted.

Not only does it imply women are the housekeepers of the family, it’s just not that fun of a gift.

However if your heart is set on an appliance, a coffee maker shouldn’t go awry — but don’t be stingy, buy the beans as well.

For a cheaper alternative, the well-calculated book of ‘vouchers’ is a nifty way of showing your appreciation, but again, please check yourself prior.

We do not accept the notion of all housework, cooking and caring balancing on mum’s shoulders — it is not a gift if it is the bare minimum of sharing the load.

Vouchers of ‘one hour of complete peace’, ‘eight minutes to scream into the abyss’ and ‘a cup of coffee from your favourite cafe’ are always hits.

On the topic of vouchers, why not treat mum to a night out? A comedy show, a movie, a Magic Mike-esque performance. If splashing out, wine-not a winery?

Whether she’s your children’s mum or your own, she’s a good woman, don’t subject her to a group picture of you — unless it is accompanied by a box of Ferrero Rochers and an Aldi bottle of wine.

It may sound intimidating and maybe a bit scary, but you know this woman very well: trust your gut.

If not, we have simplified it as much as possible below.

A plain and simple list of what not to get