Suicide prevention: steps people can take to help keep loved ones safe

The pandemic has seen us deal with isolation and a lack of social connectedness, plus increased levels of distress, which may in turn translate as a higher risk.

But the bigger effects are yet to come from the potential economic fallout.

The two pillars of psychological health are to love and to work. Plus we are social animals, so you could add social connectedness as a third pillar.

Unemployment is tipped to rise in this time of great economic uncertainty — and when you lose your job, a pillar of psychological health is threatened.

You can feel like you don’t have purpose in life and this can have a huge impact on your sense of self, which can often lead you to feel disheartened, and cause you to withdraw.

That’s when social connectedness can also start to break down, meaning your coping ability is also affected, and you can end up in a very dark place.

People who have had a prior suicide attempt, have a mental illness, substance use disorders or have access to lethal means are also at increased risk.

What suicidal warning signs should I look out for in my community?

Warning signs can be direct or indirect communication.

With direct communication, people may be actively talking about wanting to end their life, they might be looking for means and they might be asking how something is done.

With indirect, this may be how people talk about their feelings or how they are behaving.

People might say they have no reason to live, no purpose to life, they feel trapped or feel like there's no way out. Overall, there is a sense of hopelessness.

They might have dramatic mood changes and considerable anxiety.

Or they may start cleaning up their possessions, saying, ‘Please take this, I don’t need it any more.’

Behaviours, on the other hand, might be when people start increasing substance use, start withdrawing from friends and family or are unable to sleep or sleep all the time.

What should I do if someone I know starts showing warning signs?

Once we see warning signs, we need to ask about them — and that can be directly or indirectly.

We can often worry: ‘If I ask somebody, they might actually end up ending their life.’

But this is not the case. In fact, more often than not, people are relieved somebody has actually asked, somebody actually cares.

It's usually useful to start with observations, such as ‘I sense you're feeling really down today’ or ‘You don't look your usual self'.

This again sends the message: ‘I have seen you.’ And that's very important.

Then you can directly ask. This can include, ‘Have you ever wanted to go to bed and never wake up?’ 'Do you feel you've had enough?’ or even more directly, ‘Have you thought about suicide?'.

Often people respond to this because they feel safe and that it's okay to be asked.

The next steps are to seek more information, find out if they have access to lethal means and do your best to ensure they are safe.

It’s also important to refer them to services, such as Lifeline or Beyond Blue.

But just the act of asking gives hope.

What language or behaviour should I avoid when talking to someone who is potentially suicidal?

We should be very mindful about how we communicate — both verbally and non-verbally.

If someone is showing warning signs, it’s not just enough to ask, ‘Are you okay?’ — we also need to pause and pay full attention to them.

If you’re looking at your phone, if you’re looking at your watch, you’re communicating non-verbally, ‘I’ve got something else to do’.

And for a person who already feels burdensome, it may make them feel even worse.

As for language, saying things like, ‘You're not thinking of killing yourself, are you?’ or ‘Are you going to do something stupid?’ is not useful.

While we may think ending one's life is stupid, if you step into the other person's shoes you'll realise they've reached a horrible, dark place where they can't see any hope.

It's more useful to ask, ‘What are the things you would live for?’ rather than telling them what you think they should live for.

You can also ask, ‘What do you think will help you? What do you think will make you not think about suicide?'.

What if I am not comfortable asking the person about their warning signs? Or what if the person shuts me out of their life?

As far as possible, you should try approaching the person again. And if they are still shutting you out of their lives, consider who else could do the asking.

You may ask and the person may deny they are struggling.

If you are still concerned, it is best to approach the person again at a later time or find someone else close to the person who can ask that question.

On the other hand, you may not be comfortable asking in the first place. And that's okay.

Once again, find someone else who may be more comfortable asking.

If I am caring for someone who is potentially suicidal, how can I care for myself?

Supporting someone who is potentially suicidal can be very hard.

There are carer support organisations available, but even before we seek formal help, the first step is to ensure we are socially connected.

If we are caring for somebody who is potentially suicidal, we need to make sure we don't also start withdrawing from the world.

If you find you are struggling, also talk to your GP — you can figure out together what help you might need.

If I am having suicidal thoughts, what should I do?

Start by talking those thoughts through with someone else, whether that's Lifeline, Beyond Blue or a trusted person.

From there, you should develop a safety plan.

What is a safety plan?

When you reach a point in your life where dying by suicide seems the only option, you can feel trapped, hopeless, a burden to everyone.

That's why safety plans are helpful, because they help you to think about what else is possible.

Beyond Blue has an app where you can create a personalised safety plan.

You start by writing down your warning signs.

Then you are shown how to make your space safe, getting rid of anything that could be used to end your life.

The next step goes into protective factors — reasons to live.

This is very important — when a person is in a dark place, they can struggle to see the small things that make life meaningful. But they are very important.

People are then encouraged to list things they can do for themselves and write down people and places they can connect with.

And the final step is professional support — so there are links to Triple Zero and suicide callback services such as Lifeline.

Safety plans hand a sense of agency back to the person, and can restore a sense of hope.

What should I do if I lose a loved one or acquaintance to suicide?

This is where suicide bereavement and postvention services are critically important.

Loss of any life is hard on the living. If the person has died unexpectedly, that's even harder to bear, regardless of their age.

The next level is when that unexpected death is because the person decided to die by suicide. That adds a whole other layer of grief.

People close to them may think, ‘Could I have done anything more? Did I not detect what happened?’. Along with grief, it can spark a deep sense of questioning oneself.

Close family members and friends can be more deeply affected by suicide.

But other people who are not as well-connected can also be affected.

Postvention services are crucial because they support people who have lost their loved ones to suicide, helping them to grieve and process what has happened.

It is also a form of suicide prevention, as this group, in general, is at higher risk of suicide.

If you are struggling with your mental health, call Lifeline Australia on 131 114, Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636 or Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800.