Its just over one year since the Coalition was re-elected. Ernesto thought it was time for a first semester report card on a few of their key ministers.
Scott Morrison. Prime Minister. Pass (just).
After a shaky start to the semester which was characterised by little Scotty going on holidays during the "Bushfire" exam, his peers in the senior school ( Dan, Gladys and Mark) dragged him up to their level. Eventually he found his feet putting in a relatively solid performance during the second "Corona Virus" exam. Although most of his teachers fear he will return to his old ways in semester two, credit must be given for his performance in the second half of this semester.
Michael McCormack. Deputy Prime Minister. Fail.
Who?? Oh yes, the lad from the country who is largely absent from class and either contributes nothing worthwhile when he bothers to show up or creates trouble by making stupid comments.
Josh Frydenberg Treasurer. Fail. Expulsion recommended.
Poor old Josh hasn't learnt from his mistake in 2018, giving half a billion dollars of taxpayers money to an unknown Barrier Reef charity supported by mining and fossil fuel interests. After recklessly steering the economy towards a recession, he got his wish with the bushfires and Corona Virus shutdown completing the job. Not content with that he then makes a $60 Billion mistake in the Jobkeeper estimates and throws a treasury official under a bus to absolve his responsibility.
Greg Hunt Health Minister. Pass
One of the few in the class to put his head down and have a crack. His evidence based performance in the "Corona Virus" exam was of a high standard.
Stuart Robert. Minister for (appalling) Government Services. Fail. Expulsion recommended.
Nicknamed the "Rorter" by classmates, Stuart has has been tainted by the alleged rorting of his electoral allowance for home internet. He has overseen the disaster of the Robo debt scheme and destruction of Centerlink which couldn't cope with the influx of unemployed when the Corona Virus shut half of the economy down. This little boy is out of his depth. In consolation is he wins the "Dunce of the semester" award.
Paul Fletcher Minister for Arts, Communications and other stuff. Fail
Another minister out of his depth at this level. Mistakenly believes the ABC has adequate funding and stood idly by while his colleagues, when designing "Jobkeeper" failed to include employees in the $110 BILLION per year Arts and Entertainment industry.
Peter Dutton. Minister for Home Affairs Fail
Has reinforced his bully boy behaviour by the continued incarceration of refugees on Manus and Nauru, but was unable to stop Corona Virus ship the Ruby Princess. Has been reasonably quiet lately but we understand he is working hard at home refining new laws to further restrict freedoms at the school.
Michaelia Cash Minister for Small Business and other things Fail
Has not recovered from her role in the AFP raids on union offices in 2017. Has been largely missing from class since hiding behind a white board to escape credibility questions from senior school staff.
Susan Ley Minister for the Environment Fail
Had to resign from Health after expenses rorts a couple of years ago. Was handed a hospital pass from previous incompetent Environment minister Melissa Price and has been also absent from class in the last few months. Like Peter Dutton we understand she is schooling from home working out ways to water down our (inadequate) environmental laws to make it easier for mining companies to rape and pillage our ecosystems.
Ken Wyatt Minister for Indigenous Australians Fail
Although Kenny tries hard, he joins a long list of ministers, both Liberal and Labor, to find this subject too hard. This is not helped by many of his schoolmates who don't really care about the situation indigenous Australians find themselves in. We considered a complimentary pass because of his efforts in trying circumstance but having the 46,000 year old sacred site called the Juukan Gorge Cave blown up by Rio Tinto during his watch, put him back firmly in the FAIL category.
Angus Taylor Minister for Energy and Emission Reduction. Fail Expulsion recommended.
Another hapless student who cannot grasp the complexities or importance of this subject. Talks the talk but cannot walk the walk. Couple that with the scandals of Grassgate, Clovergate and Watergate, little Angus should not even be allowed in such a prestigious school.
I have not bothered printing more ministers reports. Sadly many will mirror those above, Incompetent, misleading, arrogant and out of their depth.
This is without any shadow of a doubt, the worst government in my living memory and possibly Australia's history.
The yanks have a chance to remove the "pussy grabber" in November, unfortunately we have another two years before we can remove this rabble.
Imagine how much more damage they could do in that time.