Being able to laugh is good, especially when it seems hardest. I love the little stories of blokes doing funny things in those little books you used to see at the Doctors. They are my inspiration for finding these.
Wash it Again
My mother had decided to trim the household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, 'Just think, Ivor, we are five pounds richer because I washed this dress by hand.'
'Good', my dad quickly replied. 'Wash it again.'
Fond Farewell for Father and Son
During the second Gulf War, Ben Ford was returning to active service. As he was saying goodbye to his wife, his four-year-old son, Gerry, was holding on to his father's leg and pleading with him not to go away. 'No, Daddy, please don't go!' Gerry kept repeating.
They were beginning to make a scene when Yvonne, Ben's wife, desperate to calm her son, said, 'Let Daddy go, and I'll take you to get a pizza, Gerry.'
At once, Gerry loosened his tight grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, 'Bye, Daddy.'
Gravely Funny Story
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?'
The first man approached him and said, 'Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?'
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied........ 'My wife's first husband.'
Who's the Clever one?
A traffic policeman stops Maggie and asks to see her driving licence.
'Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses when driving.'
'Well, Officer,' explains Maggie, 'I have contacts.'
'Lady, I don't care who you know, you're still going to get a ticket.'
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Old Man or a Newborn Baby?
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement home were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, 'Earl, I'm 81 years old now, and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Earl replies, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
Really, how are you like a newborn baby?'
'Well, I have no hair, no teeth, and please excuse me, I am too much of a gentleman to mention my other problem.'