The Boss's Dog

Cats are cute - but do we want one?

By The General

The Boss and I differ on cats. He doesn't really like them, I know that. He's a dog man, through and through - always has been, he tells me. And I approve of that.
But I wouldn't mind a cat to chase around the yard - I'd like to corner one down by the compost and see how it works out.
I've only had a few chances to suss out a cat; they can look pretty ferocious with their backs to the wall - they start pawing in a menacing sort of way and their claws extend. A dog wouldn't want one of those landing on his nose.
The Boss is a bit like The Donald: he demands loyalty from his dog (and does the decent thing in return...most of the time.) He reckons you can't trust a cat, that they don't really like humans all that much and just use people for convenience.
What he really doesn't like about cats is the way they know he doesn't care for them so they jump on his lap - just to mock him, he reckons. Like, it's always at the home of a cat-owing friend where this happens, so The Boss has to grit his teeth and look like he's being given the special treatment. 
He feels the pressure to give the cat a bit of a pat - then it purrs, which causes its owner to say things like "Ahh, she likes you, doesn't she?" This is a great indignity for him.
As well as being a dog man, he's a bird man, as I've mentioned before, and gets very protective of the Rainbow Bee-eaters and Kingfishers that turn up in the Spring to nest in the holes they drill into the river bank.
He keeps an eye out then for marauding cats along the top of the bank. As soon as he spots one he'll drag out the cat trap and load it up with a frozen prawn or fish-head.
This never fails to tempt a cat. I am not sure what happens to them next but I never see them again. Woof.