Yes, I am a fast walker. Yes, I’m aware of how ridiculous I look barrelling through the supermarket.
And yes, in this time of social distancing it's nigh on impossible to walk fast while keeping a 1.5 m distance from those around me.
It’s something I’ve been catching myself on, as I round the corner of the aisle and scare both myself and the poor person I’m about to crash into.
Or when I try to set a moderate pace and have to juggle walking slowly and trying not to look like I’m stalking someone up the biscuit aisle.
Nigh on impossible, I tell you.
Never have I felt so aware of my surroundings as in the supermarket currently.
You’re herded in like cattle through the one entrance so they can count you all, and once you’re in there you’re playing a far less enjoyable version of bumper cars.
Only the bumpers are invisible and are there to save lives.
The stakes have never been higher, and for us fast walkers it essentially feels like standing still. Or moving backwards.
So you can imagine my frustration when I see a family of five out on the weekly shopping outing all keeping a 1.5 m buffer from each other.
On Easter Saturday, no less.
People who live in the same household, who have spent the past three weeks breathing the same air, using the same cutlery from the same sink, coughing the same air — yet out in public, all keeping their distance from one another.
Okay, they weren’t coughing, but can you see my confusion?
Also, why does the whole family need to go shopping?
I’m no mathematician, but in your average deli section, one five-person family leaving 1.5 m between each other leaves the rest of the public with little to no space to manoeuvre around. Then you add in the trolleys and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.
My suggestion to the major retailers is take away those empty shelves where pasta, rice and toilet paper once were and give us fast walkers a supermarket super-highway.
A way to do the shopping for 12 items or less in 12 minutes or less.
But as I plotted out my perfect supermarket layout I took pause and looked around at my fellow shoppers.
In a time of social isolation I saw something that is usually reserved for only the late night or weekend shoppers.
Partners shopping together — sans the usual arguments.
I guess when your only way to leave the house is to get the essentials, it makes for a great bonding trip.
In this time of social isolation, household members are closer than ever.
And our supermarket workers are more important than ever.
Lachlan Durling is a journalist with the McPherson Media Group.
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