I like Barnaby Joyce. I've liked him ever since he grabbed that pirate feller with the earring - well, three earrings in one ear-hole, can you believe it? And without a fair dinkum furry ear like mine - who smuggled his dirty dogs into my country without asking.
Pistol and Boo, were their names. They probably would have given me Herpes. You never know where dogs like that have been. In movies or something. Could have caught anything.
Barnaby told him straight away he was gonna shoot those little long-hairs unless the pirate jumped onto his private jet and whisked 'em out of here in a few seconds. Good riddance, I say.
So I was pleased to hear the Boss say the other day that Barnaby is doing the right thing by the river, telling those Crow-Eaters in South Australia that a dog needs a healthy river to swim in - not a drain or a channel, but a real river.
The Boss says my river is a Heritage River, whatever that means, but he's very attached to it - although he doesn't swim in it as often as I do. He reckons my claws are pesky, whereas I just want to climb on his back for a ride.
He told me this Murray Darling mob have taken more than enough, letting the Crow Eaters steal our water to keep their Lower Lakes full for the tourists. The Boss says those lakes evaporate twice as much as Melbourne uses in a year and its a scandal.
What's a real scandal, to be honest, is when he forgets to feed me, or scratch me behind the ear. Anyway, he says the Lower Lakes are kept full by these barrages built way back when, in the 1930s, and they should be pulled out because we're all short of water.
He says when this Murray Darling con job was sorted the Crow-Eaters wouldn't let anyone talk about the Lower Lakes and Canberra agreed to sideline the whole thing because of all the swinging seats over there among the Crow-Eaters. And if there's crows about you'd want to swing your seat.
The Boss shakes his head and says its not fair. All this water down our river at the wrong time of year is eroding the banks, making the river wider and shallower and messing up the natural flow of things, the Boss says.
So he was pretty pleased when Barnaby told the state ministers it wasn't working. Then the Crow-Eater's minister fired up and used foul language - the same thing The Boss uses on me when I've rolled in a dead carp on the river bank.
But this was really foul, he said, and about Victoria's water minister, to her face. The Boss doesn't like that. "Socrates observed that bad manners are the beginning of chaos, General," The Boss says. He likes quoting Socrates but I think Socrates is dead. Maybe that explains why everyone seems to have forgotten what he said. Woof.